1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,160 [soft music] 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,080 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,480 [cow mooing] 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,960 [wind blowing softly] 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,280 [soft clattering] 6 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,440 [engine wheezing] 7 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,040 [Jeremy] The FarmDroid had now been set to work 8 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,680 replanting the onion and beetroot field. 9 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,960 But with the sky still stubbornly blue, 10 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,680 I wasn't sure I could see the point. 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,800 [soft clattering] 12 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,960 [Jeremy] So this planting is all very well, 13 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,840 but pointless if it doesn't rain. 14 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:53,800 Yeah. 15 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,560 [Jeremy] So, it's reckoned 16 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,800 ten thousand litres of water over a hectare 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,840 gives you the equivalent of one millimetre of rain. 18 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,400 And it's 24 millimetres 19 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,240 you need every week. 20 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,160 [clattering continues] 21 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,920 You've never seen a James Bond film, 22 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,760 but I've never seen anyone as captivated... 23 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,280 -[Kaleb] It's fascinating. -...as you are by that. 24 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,560 -Could you not just watch that all day? -No... 25 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,480 I mean, yeah, five minutes and... But you... Look at his face! 26 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,120 It's really... [chuckling] 27 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,280 -You love that machine, don't you? -Yeah, I do. 28 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,040 What gets me is it put 200,000 seeds in yesterday 29 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,240 and it knows where every single one of them is. 30 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,240 -That's unbelievable. -So, 31 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,920 when it's finished doing this, OK? 32 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:51,480 Oh no, I've lost him again. He's gone back to his CornHub. 33 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,680 -[chuckling] CornHub! -CornHub, that's what he's watching! 34 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,360 [soft music] 35 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,560 [Jeremy] Since there was nothing we could do about the lack of rain, 36 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,720 we got on with other jobs. 37 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,200 Kaleb started mowing and baling the grassland 38 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,440 to make silage. 39 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,080 Eighteen bales so far. 40 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,520 More food for the cows throughout the winter months. 41 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,840 [Jeremy] Then it was time to move the EasyCare sheep and their lambs 42 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,720 to a new pasture. 43 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,680 -[Jez] How are you doing, Jeremy? -Hi, Jez. 44 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,280 -[Jez] You well? -Yeah, good to see you . How are you? 45 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:35,120 [Jeremy] And to help us, our sheep-farming neighbours had come round. 46 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,040 You tell me where you want me, Jeremy. 47 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,440 Not that Jeremy. The one that knows what he's doing. 48 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,440 [Jeremy] Which meant we had the treat of watching their sheepdog at work. 49 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,640 [woman shepherd] Stand! Stand! 50 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,200 Here they come. 51 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,480 [epic rock music] 52 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,440 Look, here's the dog! Look, the dog's doing it! 53 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,840 Look at the dog! 54 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,760 I just love watching sheepdogs. 55 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,040 [woman shepherd] Midge! Stand! Stand! 56 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:01,800 Midge, stand! 57 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:02,760 Stand! 58 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,520 Midge! Stand! That'll do. That'll do. 59 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,560 -[Jeremy] Wow! -[woman shepherd] Midge, that'll do! 60 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,640 Stand. Stand! 61 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,960 [Jeremy] And the sheep are now corralled. 62 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,840 [sheep bleating] 63 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,320 [Kaleb] They look stonking little lambs, though, don't they? 64 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,440 [Jez] Oh the best, I have, really. 65 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,920 [Jeremy] I can't believe... 66 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,760 You're a committed sheep farmer 67 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,040 who's never had EasyCare before 68 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,720 and you always hated sheep 69 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,360 and both of you are going: 70 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,640 "Well, why don't we all have EasyCare?" 71 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:32,840 It was a good decision you made here. 72 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,920 -[scoffing] I wish it was... -[Kaleb] Bloody hell! 73 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,280 -You wish it was your decision? -[Jeremy] No, it was. 74 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,600 Do you know, it was... [whispering] Countryfile. 75 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,640 Oh, fuck me! 76 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,800 -[woman shepherd] Up! Up! -[Jeremy] Go on, in you go. 77 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,920 [Jeremy] Having loaded them into the trailer... 78 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:46,920 [bleating] 79 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,000 Baaa! 80 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,160 [Jeremy] ...we took them to their new field 81 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,560 which the government had made us fill with eco plants 82 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,720 that humans can't eat, but sheep can. 83 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,400 [soft music] 84 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,240 [Jeremy] Come on, lambas! 85 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,240 [chuckling] 86 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,240 -Come on! -[Lisa] Oh my God, that is glorious! 87 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,520 [Jeremy] I know! 88 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,520 Look at this! They've never seen grass this long. 89 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,480 -[Lisa] That is amazing. So lush. -[Jeremy] Unbelievable, isn't it? 90 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,840 What a sight. 91 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,560 [bleating] 92 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,000 They're gonna be the size of Zeppelins those sheep. 93 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,280 What's a Zeppelin? Like a zebra? 94 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:26,400 [Jeremy chuckling] 95 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:27,800 Fuck off. 96 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,640 You know what a Zeppelin is. 97 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,920 Oh, it's an ant... it's a... it's a an... it's an antelope. 98 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,280 [scoffing] 99 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,880 [Jeremy] With the sheeps happily grazing away, 100 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,200 I set off with Diddly Squat's resident zoologist 101 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,920 back to the yard. 102 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,720 What I'm gonna do is just check my mirrors before reversing. 103 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,720 I find, I don't know, it kinda helps. 104 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,320 If somebody's parked their car behind you, 105 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,800 you just have a look in the mirrors, just check it out 106 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,320 and make sure there's nothing... 107 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,480 -I'm never gonna live this down, am I? -No. 108 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,040 [Jeremy] No, he wasn't. 109 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,960 Because the day before, 110 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,760 Kaleb had given me the absolute best of sticks 111 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,800 to beat him with. 112 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,280 [no audio] 113 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,480 [Kaleb] Bad job, innit? 114 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,640 -That's the producer's Land Rover. -[Kaleb] I know. 115 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,240 [Jeremy] I wonder how its windscreen's got broken and all the front smashed up? 116 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,800 It must have been a pheasant. 117 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,800 Must've been a pheasant. 118 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,360 -[Lisa] Is this you too? -[Jeremy] He's done everything. 119 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,520 -How? -I was baling, it was parked over there, 120 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:34,760 didn't see it in the mirror 121 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,520 'cause it wasn't there beforehand and then reversed into it. 122 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,280 But when I reversed into the barn, you were really cross with me. 123 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,520 Well, yeah, obviously. 124 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,680 Look, there's that barn over there. 125 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,840 You've done that barn over there. You've done the barn over there 126 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,440 and the gale break on the right-hand side. 127 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:47,800 [Jeremy] I didn't do that. 128 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,240 Basically, I employ Kaleb Cooper Contracting 129 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,120 who come round to the farm and smash everything up. 130 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,600 [Kaleb] You talk so much shit, it's unbelievable. 131 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,840 It's so much fun catching him out. 132 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,680 ["Love Reign O'er Me" by The Who playing] 133 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,200 [Jeremy] A few days later, 134 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,320 a June morning arrived bearing gifts. 135 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,080 ♪ Only love ♪ 136 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,760 ♪ Can bring the rain ♪ 137 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,520 ♪ That falls like tears ♪ 138 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,960 ♪ From on high ♪ 139 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,760 ♪ Love ♪ 140 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,600 ♪ Reign o'er me ♪ 141 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,240 ♪ Rain on me ♪ 142 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,120 ♪ I can't sleep and I lay and I think ♪ 143 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,720 ♪ The night is hot and black as ink ♪ 144 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:49,760 [through the phone] ♪ Oh God, I need a drink of cool, cool rain ♪ 145 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:51,240 "Cool, cool rain"! 146 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,480 [music continues on Jeremy's phone] 147 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,120 [Kaleb] That's what we got now! 148 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,280 [Jeremy] Cool, cool rain! 149 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,560 [Kaleb] It feels good, doesn't it? 150 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,400 [Jeremy] And to keep our spirits up, 151 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,480 we decided to release Endgame back into the fields 152 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,440 to join the rest of the herd. 153 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,600 [mooing] 154 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,120 -Endgame, give us a hand. -[Kaleb panting] 155 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,600 -[Kaleb] Yeah, push, buddy. -Come on! 156 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,280 -[Kaleb] Push! -You can do it! 157 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,080 -[mooing loudly] -[Kaleb] Go on, buddy. 158 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,200 -[Jeremy whispering] Look at him. -Looks fucking good. Watch out... 159 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,440 He looks smart, doesn't he? He's done well over the winter. 160 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,600 [Jeremy] Yeah. 161 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,680 Mate, I have to say, we are fucking good at our jobs. 162 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,280 If there are prizes 163 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,800 for loading a bull into a trailer, 164 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,000 I think we've just won gold. 165 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,520 He's still the best animal on the farm by a country mile. 166 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,480 You can keep Richard Ham, 167 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,480 you can keep everything: he's just tremendous. 168 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,680 [rock music] 169 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,200 [Jeremy] Hey! I'm gonna do something I haven't done for months. Ready? 170 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,360 [Kaleb] What's that? 171 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,600 Windscreen wipers. I forgot what they were for. 172 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,560 [Kaleb laughing] 173 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,920 [cows mooing] 174 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,800 [rock music continues] 175 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,400 Hey, kids, daddy's home! 176 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,800 There's palpable excitement from these cows and calves. 177 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:29,800 -[Kaleb] Ready? -Yeah. 178 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,080 Oh, hello. 179 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,400 [cows mooing loudly] 180 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,840 [Kaleb chuckling] 181 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,200 Oh, look at him. He's just beside himself, running with his kids. 182 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,760 [Kaleb] I love it when a calf's tail goes up in the air, like "I am fast." 183 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,360 It's like a spoiler. 184 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,280 Erm... [Kaleb chuckling] 185 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:57,720 [Jeremy] Fucking hell... 186 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,400 You know we've been ringed here? 187 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:01,680 [Kaleb] Hey? 188 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,160 -They're just running round. -[Kaleb laughing] 189 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,760 And there they go, sheltering from the rain in the trees! 190 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,960 What a happy day: it's raining, 191 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,320 -and look how happy Endgame is. -[Kaleb] Yeah! 192 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,400 [soft orchestral music] 193 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,640 [Jeremy] We prayed the rain would continue, 194 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,840 but the next day... 195 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,040 normal service was resumed. 196 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,440 And because there was still nothing I could do about that, 197 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,080 I decided to busy myself with a distraction, 198 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,720 a pet project I'd wanted to do for years. 199 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,200 One of the things that's depressed me a little bit 200 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,680 since I started this farming malarkey is, 201 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,960 as you walk around the place, 202 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,720 you see quite a few songbirds, 203 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,720 you know, yellowhammers and goldfinches and sparrows and so on, but... 204 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,760 you don't very often see 205 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,120 any traditional farmland birds. 206 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,240 And I was talking about this the other day to a girl in the next village 207 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:08,040 who is a very keen birdwatcher. 208 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,200 And she said: "OK, well, look, I'll come round 209 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,320 and let's see what's going on." 210 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,000 The problem with birdwatchers, though, is that, erm, 211 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,360 they're like the army: 212 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,400 they never want to meet you at about eleven. 213 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,120 or "let's have a spot of lunch and then get cracking". 214 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,640 It's always: "Right, I'll see you at o'crickey o'clock." 215 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,080 [soft orchestral music] 216 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,680 [Jeremy] And so, at 4 a.m., I met the birdwatcher, Hannah, 217 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:39,000 who was already excited having heard a bustle in the hedgerow. 218 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,920 I know loads of people across the country come to Diddly Squat. 219 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,640 But this guy has travelled eight thousand miles 220 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,000 to get here to this thicket. 221 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,160 -And hope... -[Jeremy] What is he? 222 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,600 A Garden Warbler. Oooh... 223 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,040 Birders get really crazy about Warblers 224 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,880 because they're so pretty. They kind of sound like Mariah Carey on fast-forward. 225 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:00,960 [birds chirping] 226 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,440 [Jeremy] A Garden Warbler? 227 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,320 -[Hannah] From South Africa. -South Africa? 228 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,800 Yeah. And he'll come back next year. 229 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:06,800 Isn't he about that big? 230 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,200 Oh yeah, they're really small, and they're dull, 231 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,640 but they sound really cool. 232 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,080 There's also a Blackcap, another Warbler. 233 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,480 What's this? Is this your list of things you've heard? 234 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,280 Yeah. Oh, that's a Wren. 235 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,200 Like a pneumatic machine gun. 236 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,040 From what I can gather so far, this isn't birdwatching, 237 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,160 this is bird listening. 238 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,200 Yeah, this is a singing survey. 239 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,880 That's not its technical name. 240 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,360 I know, though. Ah! My Merlin bird app. 241 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,800 Let's go over there because the Garden Warblers hang out here. 242 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,040 -[phone buzzing] -[Jeremy whispering] That bird... 243 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,320 that's a Skylark. 244 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:45,040 When it goes yellow that's 'cause it's heard that bird at that precise moment. 245 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,800 That's what it's said so far. 246 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,560 [whispering] It's this one. 247 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,880 {\an8}-[birds chirping] -[phone buzzing] 248 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,200 {\an8}[Jeremy whispering] There, Garden Warbler, she was right! 249 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,120 She doesn't even have the app. 250 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,680 And so I'd love... I've always said I want to get that... 251 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,200 [Hannah] Oh! Listen, listen, listen! 252 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,920 -Can you hear the lorry reversing? -[birds chirping] 253 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,400 It's a bird, but it sounds like a lorry reversing! 254 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,880 -[birds chirping] -[bird croaking] 255 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,240 -[Jeremy] That? -Yeah. 256 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,480 That's a Greater Whitethroat. 257 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,880 {\an8}-[phone buzzing] -Oh, Greater Whitethroat. 258 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,800 {\an8}[chuckling] Greater Whitethroat! 259 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,440 {\an8}-Hannah: faster than the Merlin bird app. -[Hannah chuckling] 260 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,560 Do you do it when you're just walking along and you're constantly tuned into? 261 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,120 [Hannah] Oh, look, Skylarks. 262 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,440 {\an8}-[phone buzzing] -Erm... 263 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,920 {\an8}[Jeremy] Well, I can't see any. 264 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,520 How did you learn to do this? 265 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,480 Erm, I spent a long time living on my own in the bush in Africa 266 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,600 where I had no friends and I had a bird in my hair, 267 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,160 -and I just tuned into all the birds, so. -You had what? 268 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,840 Erm, I just tuned into the birds because... 269 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,120 -No, you had a bird in your hair. -I had a bird in my hair, yeah. 270 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,320 I found a little nestling bird 271 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,640 and his nest had been blown down. 272 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,400 His whole flock had abandoned him, he would have died otherwise. 273 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,360 So I thought, OK, fine, 274 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,680 I'll try and be surrogate mother to this tiny little Finch. 275 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,760 And it worked, but it meant that I was his whole world 276 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,720 and so he lived on my body for all of his time awake, 277 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,320 and when he went to sleep and napped 278 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,280 he would make little nests out of my hair. 279 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,360 And this went on for three months. 280 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,640 [laughing] So I hung out with this little bird in my hair. 281 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,600 What happened to it in the end, then? Did he just fly away? 282 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,560 No, well, I reintegrated him into his flock 283 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,400 by stalking his family every day for twelve hours for two months with him, 284 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,240 so that he learnt how to be a wild finch. 285 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,160 And in that time I had to tune into all the landscape sounds 286 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,280 because a lot of them were predatory sounds that would have killed him 287 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,560 and also snakes and things that would have killed me. 288 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,360 And so I learnt all the sounds and I got addicted. 289 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:42,160 [Jeremy] I then explained why I needed her expertise. 290 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,400 [softly] I don't think we're badly off for songbirds here. 291 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,120 -You see quite a few. -Yeah. 292 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,120 -[softly] It's farmland birds. -Yeah. 293 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:53,240 So I'm super interested in the farmland birds that are here all year 294 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,880 and that's why I wanna go and have a look at that hedge. 295 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,480 [Jeremy] What would you call "farmland" birds? 296 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,520 Lapwings and Curlews, obviously, but what else? 297 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,760 [Hanna] Skylarks, Linnets, Corn Buntings, Yellowhammers. 298 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,880 And how many of them are endangered? 299 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,080 Oh, there are thirteen on the red list right now. 300 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,960 -Out of six... -Out of, like, twenty. 301 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,440 So, I mean, most of them are on the red list. 302 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,440 And it's not just that they're endangered: they're massively. 303 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,160 So Turtle Dove: 99% of its population gone. 304 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,720 -Oh yeah. -Grey Partridge: 92%. 305 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,800 And the point is, the reason why they're on the red list, 306 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,360 is because of the change in farming practices, the intensification, 307 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:36,280 118,000 miles of hedge that has gone in the last seventy years. 308 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,320 They are starving to death in the winter because there isn't enough natural food. 309 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,280 But I'm sure there's something we can do. 310 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,840 Also, for example, one obvious thing is... 311 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,720 Oh, I just heard a Yellowhammer. 312 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:47,680 [birds chirping] 313 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,680 -[chuckles] What, while you were talking? -Yeah. 314 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,360 {\an8}[phone buzzing] 315 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:53,480 [soft music] 316 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,680 [Jeremy] We then headed to another part of the farm, 317 00:14:55,880 --> 00:15:00,000 with Hannah drowning me in trivia about swifts. 318 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,720 [Hannah] Their first maiden flight: three years, no landing. 319 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,160 -[Jeremy] Three years? -Three years. 320 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,160 They mate in the sky, they eat in the sky, they sleep in the sky. 321 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,120 -[Jeremy] How can you sleep and... -Oh, wait, look. 322 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,280 Can we just stop the car, 'cause this is like the most insane... 323 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,520 [car door slamming] 324 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,720 So she's just ordered me to stop the car 325 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,960 and literally leapt out while it was still moving. 326 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,800 You've got a really special bird! 327 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,400 -[Jeremy] What is it? -I've never heard one in real life. 328 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,120 -[Jeremy] What is it? -It's a Corn Bunting. 329 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,160 This is like the most exciting thing ever. 330 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,720 [Jeremy] And almost as though it wanted to give Hannah an extra treat, 331 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,680 this Corn Bunting made an actual appearance. 332 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,000 -[Hannah] There. -[Jeremy] Oh, yes! 333 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,480 -[Hannah] That's a Corn Bunting. -A Corn Bunting! 334 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,640 [Hannah] That is so cool! [laughing] 335 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,600 [country music] 336 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,920 [Jeremy] We concluded this happy tour by visiting a field we'd given over 337 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,200 to one of the government's environmental schemes. 338 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,320 [Jeremy] So this is rye grass. This was part of the scheme. 339 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,280 Kaleb's... Look, he's been along and he's making silage. 340 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,120 -[Hannah] Oh fuck. -What? 341 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,480 [Hannah moaning in disgust] Well, that's bloody awful. 342 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,640 I might vomit in your car. 343 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,120 [Jeremy] What's he done wrong? 344 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,000 [Hannah sighing] So Skylarks and other birds 345 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,480 will nest in the crops. 346 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,160 So... urgh. 347 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,400 If you'd just waited another two weeks, he wouldn't have killed any of them. 348 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,160 But there's a very good chance, if you silage too soon 349 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,040 you kill all the chicks. 350 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,280 -[Hannah grunting] -[Jeremy] He said 351 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,560 if he cuts it now 352 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,840 and then makes this into silage to feed the cows in the winter, 353 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,920 by doing it now, the grass will have a chance to regrow 354 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,440 and he'll get two cuts of silage in the year. 355 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,200 Yeah, great, lucky him. 356 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,560 Now we'll just have squashed chicks instead of living ones. 357 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,520 [Jeremy] Erm... 358 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,920 he cut this yesterday. He's gonna bag it today I think. 359 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,600 So would there have been chicks in here, or eggs, 360 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,280 -this time of year? -There'll be chicks. 361 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,000 -[Jeremy] And he's minced them? -Yeah. 362 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,600 Look, there's a Skylark right there, 363 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,760 probably crying over its dead family. 364 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,360 [Jeremy] Right... 365 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,520 [tense music] 366 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:18,400 [Jeremy] The next field due to be cut for silage was the GS4 field 367 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,360 we'd put the sheeps in. 368 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,360 And because I could see both points of view, 369 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,800 Hannah and I went there the next day, 370 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,160 after the sheeps had been moved, 371 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,200 to intercept Kaleb. 372 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,840 -Hell of an evening, though, isn't it? -[Hannah] It's beautiful. 373 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,920 [Jeremy] I mean, just... 374 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,280 If we weren't talking about the mullering of a red-listed, 375 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,120 threatened-with-extinction bird, it would be a really relaxing evening. 376 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,200 -I'm doing my best here. -I know! 377 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,240 [engine revving] 378 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,920 Imagine if you were a baby Skylark with that coming towards you. 379 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:51,880 What, Kaleb? 380 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,160 Hannah, this is Kaleb. 381 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,840 [Kaleb] Hannah, lovely to meet you. 382 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:58,800 [Hannah] Hello. 383 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,840 [Jeremy] With us all gathered together, I called the meeting to order. 384 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,040 Right, you two. 385 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,840 Erm, case for the prosecution, case for the defence. 386 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,320 -[Hannah moaning] -Judge. 387 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,960 You want to go out there literally now and cut it. 388 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,600 -And you say if he goes out there now... -Mullering. 389 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,440 -[Jeremy] He's going to decapitate... -Twenty-four chicks. 390 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,000 From the Skylark's point of view, they have an average of four eggs 391 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,440 and there are probably six nests with the Corn Bunting, 392 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,000 so that's 24 chicks, let's say. 393 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,520 -In this field? -In this 21 hectares, in all of it. 394 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:33,040 [Jeremy] So when would it be safe to silage this field? 395 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:37,000 Four and a half weeks after they stopped laying and started incubating, 396 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,000 which would be about the 16th of July. 397 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,560 -Okay, so seventeen days. -[Hannah] Yeah. 398 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,800 Can you wait 17 days before silaging this? 399 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,800 No, not really. 400 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,080 I'll tell you for why. 401 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,560 The nutritional value for the food now is great 402 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,080 because, of course, it's green and so on. 403 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,320 If we wait seventeen days, 404 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,520 with this heat here, it's gonna die off and become half dead. 405 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,520 So therefore, we lose all the nutritional value. 406 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,920 We're gonna be short on cow food. We're already short now. 407 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,920 We might have to start feeding our winter resources now 408 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:04,960 'cause we're so short on grass. 409 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,600 So you've already mullered the rye grass Skylarks, 410 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,480 so you kinda have to make the decision whether you want to actively contribute 411 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,880 to the decimation of farmland birds... 412 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,160 No, no, it's what the bloody hell to do. 413 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,320 I'm sorry, you want to go tonight, 414 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,240 and it's already half past seven. 415 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,200 So... 416 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,920 I've gotta make a decision. 417 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,400 -I've got a compromise. -I've had a... Oh, what? 418 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,920 So, put the chain on. 419 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,160 -[Jeremy] What's the chain? -[Kaleb] So it's like 420 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:30,000 on my mower, on my front mower, you have like a chain hanging beforehand 421 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,480 which is about two metres out. 422 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,160 So therefore when it rattles, yeah, 423 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,040 before it gets to that nest or that bird... 424 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,720 Yeah, but if they're only chicks? 425 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,800 Yeah, the chicks will probably die, but the mums and dads will... 426 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,840 -Yeah, so then... -OK, so the chain isn't going to solve... 427 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,520 It's more for deers, to be honest with you. 428 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,560 I'm just trying to focus on the Skylarks, 'cause I know they're here. 429 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,560 'Cause you can hear them. 430 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,240 -Can't see 'em now. -Well, you can hear them. 431 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,480 -[Hannah] We... -[Kaleb] Can't hear 'em. 432 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,680 -[Jeremy] I can just hear... -Look, there's one there, right there! 433 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,560 -Singing right there. -[Jeremy] That's a Skylark. Look at it. 434 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,000 Yeah, 'cause its babies are over there, look, not in here. 435 00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,800 -All right... -Anyway, the point is... 436 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,800 So the chain isn't going to save the babies. 437 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,320 So the most important thing is cut higher than you might normally do, 438 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,160 so five inches or twelve centimetres. 439 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,880 I don't think I can, though, 'cause the bed still lays... 440 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,240 I don't think that's gonna able the chicks to survive. 441 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,520 The bed of the mower goes across the floor. 442 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,880 -All I'm doing is doing this. -What's the bed? I don't know what it is. 443 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:18,840 The bed of the mower. 444 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,480 So look, if we go to the back... 445 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,960 [Jeremy] Kaleb then took us over to show us what he meant. 446 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,600 [Kaleb] This is what sits on the ground, look. That's what I'm saying. 447 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,480 -That's a skid. -[Jeremy] Well, where are the blades? 448 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,440 Here, look. 449 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,880 [Jeremy] This spins round, right? 450 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,640 And then, so it slices the little bird's head off 451 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,960 and then the rest of the bird is smeared into the ground. 452 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,240 -[Hannah] Like a smash burger. -[Kaleb] It might go underneath it. 453 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,760 [Jeremy] Why can't you just lift the whole friggin' thing up? 454 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,760 'Cause it's not how it works. It's designed to sit on the floor. 455 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,440 Can you push this up so it's five inches? 456 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:50,840 -[Kaleb] No. -[Hannah] Why not? 457 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,760 Because that's the stabiliser. 458 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,520 This proves how shit it is for birds if you're nesting and you're up to here. 459 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,600 What I'm saying is every single mower's like this. 460 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,640 Yeah, that's why there's a national population decline of 63% 461 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,080 because everybody's mowing like this. 462 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,360 [Kaleb] What I can do, you see, yeah? 463 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,640 These go down, and you've got that little bit there, look, you see? 464 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,880 [Hannah] This is like a fucking shit show. 465 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,360 [Kaleb] But I'll just mow it. It won't take me two minutes. 466 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,680 -You're saying: "They'll die quickly." -[Kaleb] No, no, they won't. 467 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,920 [Jeremy] It was time to end the arguing and make a decision. 468 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,680 I'm gonna say, do not cut this tonight. 469 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,920 -Yeah? -Yeah, yeah. 470 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,920 [Jeremy] I'll see if I can come up with a plan. 471 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:41,480 Fuck. 472 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,480 [soft music] 473 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,000 [birds chirping] 474 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,120 [Jeremy] I needed a plan that would save the Skylarks 475 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,480 without hurting the farm. 476 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,320 But there was no time to come up with one, 477 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,160 because the next day, 478 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,000 we had other bird business to attend to. 479 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:05,960 [geese cackling] 480 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,680 [Lisa] Come on. This way. 481 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,520 [Jeremy] Have you ever herded geese? 482 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,840 -[Kaleb] Weirdly, no. -I haven't either. 483 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,760 [Jeremy] Lisa had bought another gaggle of geeses 484 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,400 for her Goose Night endeavours at the pub. 485 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,800 And this lot now needed moving down to their new living quarters. 486 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,760 [Jeremy] They really do walk in a funny way. 487 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:27,720 [Kaleb laughing] 488 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,320 [Kaleb] I feel like I'm Amish. You know what I mean? 489 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,880 [Lisa] How do you know what an Amish person is? 490 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,440 [Kaleb] I just watch 'em build barns. They're really fast. 491 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,080 [playful music] 492 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:38,680 [Lisa] That is beautiful. 493 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,160 [Kaleb] Can we do this every day? 494 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,360 -[Jeremy] I'd like to do this. -[Kaleb] This is fun. 495 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,760 Not far now, geeses. 496 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,360 [Lisa] Geese, geese, geese! 497 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,240 There we go, look at that! 498 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,640 [Jeremy] And there they are. They've got their shade, their water, their house. 499 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:54,840 Santa's grotto. 500 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,160 [Kaleb] I know. Has it still got that bit of thing in the middle of it? 501 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,240 [Jeremy] No! 502 00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,880 [Lisa] So last year I just used half. 503 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,800 This year, I'm gonna have to use all of it. 504 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,320 Oh, for God's sake. 505 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,640 Mother of Christ, Jeremy, who left these in here? 506 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:07,600 [Jeremy] What? 507 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,880 [Lisa] We've got Mother of Christ, literally. 508 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,160 [Jeremy laughing] 509 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,120 [Lisa] Is this some joke? Ha-ha, very funny. 510 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,120 No, it's not a joke, honestly. I'd, honestly... 511 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,600 Oh, shit, I've broken their ramp. 512 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,600 [Lisa] Yeah, you need to keep going on the fat jabs. 513 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,760 -[Jeremy] Yeah, the Mounjaro ramp. -[Kaleb laughing] 514 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,440 [Jeremy] I think there's enough for it not to be hobby farming. 515 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,160 -[Kaleb] Er, well. -[Jeremy] Borderline, but. 516 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:33,400 Goose Night did well last year, so it's not hobby farming, I don't think. 517 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,560 [Jeremy] Kaleb then headed off thinking the job was complete, 518 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,160 but, er, it wasn't. 519 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,760 Oh shit, the fence is off. 520 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,680 [Lisa] Oh fuck, no, no, no. 521 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,400 -[Jeremy] Lisa, quickly. -[Lisa] Geese, geese, geese! 522 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,080 -[Jeremy] That way. Go on! -[Lisa] Come on! 523 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,240 [Jeremy] We've got them. Now... 524 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,080 Oh, my God. 525 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,280 -No. Uh-uh-uh. -[Lisa] Eejits. come on. 526 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,480 -[Jeremy] No, no. -[Lisa] Over here. 527 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,680 [Jeremy] Oh, shitting hell. 528 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,280 This is just ridiculous. 529 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,520 Is it on? 530 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,560 [Lisa] It's on. 531 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,600 [Jeremy] Right, now they're safe. 532 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,800 They're about to get their first lesson in electricity. 533 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,240 [squawking loudly] 534 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,800 -Oh. -[squawking] 535 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,000 Oh, poor geeses! 536 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,120 [Jeremy] Nevertheless, they were now protected from the foxes. 537 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,680 And with that done, I went off with Charlie 538 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,880 to check on some other newcomers to Diddly Squat. 539 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:31,720 [Jeremy] Hello, donkeys! 540 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,360 My granddaughter has decided they're not called Bill and Ben. 541 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,560 She called them Ben and Ben. 542 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,040 I feel now I... 543 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,960 -I'm on a petting zoo, a petting farm. -[Jeremy] Oh, come on. 544 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,840 -There's nothing wrong with having them. -Do they take your fingers off when... 545 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:48,840 Oh, hello! 546 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,440 -Have you felt how soft it is? -[Jeremy] I know, it's stunning. 547 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,920 I know that you say "petting zoo", blah blah blah... 548 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,600 [Charlie] No, I'm joking. It's great! 549 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,320 You know, that's what a lot of people forget about farming, 550 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,120 -is that you've gotta enjoy it. -Yeah. 551 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,680 Like the birds, the animals. 552 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:04,760 Have I got one more? 553 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,520 [Jeremy] Listen to the sound when they eat a carrot. 554 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,680 [munching loudly] 555 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,960 [munching continues] 556 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,360 [soft music] 557 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,720 [Jeremy] Back in the car, I brought Charlie up to speed 558 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,640 with the problem of Kaleb and Hannah 559 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,880 being at loggerheads over the birds. 560 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,200 [Jeremy] So can you see my dilemma? 561 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,760 Cut it now: we get silage, 562 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,000 but we kill all the skylarks and the corn buntings 563 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,480 and all the other birds that have nested in that field. 564 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,960 I mean, have you tried walking through that GS4 field with the chicory in it? 565 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,960 -It's bloody impossible. -Yeah. 566 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:50,880 It would take an army three hundred years to find a skylark nest in there. 567 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,040 [Charlie] Erm, now, I don't know, 568 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,240 but they can use drones 569 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,320 to heat-seek grey partridges now. 570 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,120 So where people are having grey partridge projects, 571 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,720 they're putting a drone up. 572 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,320 So you could go up at night and then you can literally pinpoint where they are. 573 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,440 [Jeremy] Oh. 574 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,960 Well, I wonder who's got a drone? 575 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:11,640 [chuckling] 576 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:12,800 [drone buzzing] 577 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,680 [Jeremy] Yep, we do. 578 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:19,480 So I went off immediately to find Chris, the man who flies it. 579 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,880 Charlie was just saying if we had a heat-seeking drone, 580 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:27,080 it might be able to locate the skylark nests. 581 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,920 -Yeah. -In the fields. 582 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,720 In theory, yes. 583 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:31,760 We know which field they're in. 584 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,680 So you know they're definitely in a field, right? 585 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:34,640 -[Jeremy] Yeah. -Yeah. 586 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,560 So we've got drones that have got thermal cameras, 587 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,280 not this one, but it's about the same size as this. 588 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,640 -So it wouldn't disturb the birds. -[Charlie] Yeah. 589 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,120 But you need a very specific scenario. 590 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:44,960 So, for a thermal camera to work, 591 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,840 it needs to see a difference between something hot and something cold. 592 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,400 So we would have to do it very early in the morning 593 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,880 before the sun came up and warmed the ground. 594 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,960 Well, Sunday it's down to sixteen degrees apparently. 595 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:55,920 So that could work. 596 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,920 We'd have to do it probably about four o'clock in the morning. 597 00:26:58,080 --> 00:26:59,440 [cash drawer opening] 598 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,080 Again, before the sun comes up and warms the ground. 599 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,120 And we would have to hope that the birds were giving off 600 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,600 some kind of heat signature. 601 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,400 So obviously the birds they're designed to conserve their heat with feathers, 602 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,840 [Jeremy] Before I got sucked into a drone-operated, 603 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000 tech-speak black hole... 604 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,600 [locking sound] 605 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,640 I said yes to Chris. 606 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,560 [drone buzzing] 607 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,200 And the following morning at 4 a.m., 608 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:25,920 he was duly in position, 609 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,960 ready to initiate Operation Skylark. 610 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,720 [tense music] 611 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,600 Once Chris had finished his sweep, 612 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,960 the images were downloaded to Mission Control, 613 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,600 so I could see if he'd found anything. 614 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,560 Erm, OK, cold earth, 615 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,640 which it was at half past four in the morning, is pink. 616 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,360 Plenty of the sheep sticking around up there. 617 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,640 But these greeny-yellow splodges 618 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,120 are patches of warmth. 619 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:01,280 And that 620 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:05,040 is a potential skylark nest. 621 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,360 This is fantastic. 622 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,560 'Cause we never ever would have found that. 623 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,000 Oh, another one. 624 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:15,280 There, look. 625 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,920 Unbelievable. 626 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,200 So anyway, we got all this. 627 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:25,240 And then here's where it gets really quite clever. 628 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,520 I feel like I'm in a Jason Bourne movie here. 629 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,200 So this is one of the five skylark nests 630 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,440 that we found in Barn Ground. 631 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,440 Juxtapose that 632 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,120 with Google Maps. 633 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,000 So we know it's there. 634 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,800 And from that we've been able to get 635 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,480 a precise What3words location. 636 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,320 So I'll go in my phone. 637 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,000 Yes, and there it is. 638 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,120 In that three-metre square is a skylark nest. 639 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,480 I'll go mark it, 640 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,360 Kaleb drives round it, he gets his silage, 641 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,520 all the skylark chicks survive. 642 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:06,640 [tense rock music] 643 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,280 [Jeremy] Armed with this Langley-style surveillance, 644 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,440 I got hold of Lisa and we headed to the field 645 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:17,200 so we could locate and mark the nest sites with flags. 646 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:18,720 Right. 647 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,360 [Lisa] Seventy-five metres away. 648 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,720 [Jeremy] Ooh, this way. 649 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,880 I'm still watching where I put my feet in case I tread on one. 650 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,040 [Lisa] Thirty-nine metres. 651 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:39,520 [Jeremy] This way. 652 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,200 [Lisa] Fifteen. 653 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,480 [Jeremy] I think we're getting quite close. 654 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,760 [Lisa] Oh, six metres away. 655 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,000 [Jeremy] We're here. 656 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,440 Oh, fuck's sake. 657 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:14,320 [sighing] 658 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:15,360 [bleating] 659 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,000 Fucking hell, honestly. 660 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,200 [Jeremy] Yep, all the thermal camera had found 661 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,960 were five piles of still-warm sheep shit. 662 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,960 So, with no realistic way of locating the nests, 663 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,720 I went with my heart rather than my head 664 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:36,560 and asked Kaleb to stand down 665 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,960 until the chicks had flown away. 666 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,000 [playful music] 667 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,600 Then, Hannah and I got on with another bird-related project. 668 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,080 -So you're gonna walk in front? -Yeah. 669 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,240 So that we don't mince a skylark or a corn bunting. 670 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:54,200 Yeah. 671 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,640 Right. Well, it's set to go 2.5 kilometres an hour 672 00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,240 -so you won't have to sprint. -[Hannah chuckling] 673 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:00,440 Don't kill me. 674 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,840 Right, you go first. 675 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,200 [Jeremy] Our plan was to create a winter pantry for the birds 676 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,320 in the margins at the edge of the fields. 677 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,360 And job one was to mow the grass in the margins 678 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,520 using the AgBot and Kaleb's agricultural mower. 679 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,440 [Jeremy] What I will do for the dicky birds. 680 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,400 [Jeremy] Once the mowing was complete, 681 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,080 I attached the cultivator to the AgBot... 682 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,480 [metallic creaking] 683 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,920 ...so that it could break up the sun-baked soil. 684 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,560 [rattling] 685 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,800 [Hannah] That's not a good sound, is it? That's not how it should sound. 686 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:42,920 [Jeremy] We're gonna break it. 687 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:44,400 [AgBot beeping] 688 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:45,680 Well, hang on. 689 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,200 [cultivator squeaking] 690 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,440 [Hannah] Oh, that's fancy. 691 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,520 [Jeremy] I'm just gonna drop it down on some actual grass bit. 692 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,040 Yes! 693 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,520 -[Kaleb] What are you doing? -[Jeremy] Cultivating, mate. 694 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,720 -[Kaleb] Cultivating a margin? -[Jeremy] Yeah. 695 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:16,480 -Hannah's made this bird food mix, OK? -[Kale] All right, yeah. 696 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,120 It means that in the winter, when their food source is very low, 697 00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,480 they'll get to have a little bit more food in the farm than normal. 698 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:24,800 [Kaleb] OK, right. 699 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,000 But the point is here, though, it's not gonna fuck up your cash crops 700 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,000 -so it's all right. -Yeah. 701 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:31,240 I can see that. 702 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,720 That is some incredibly hard ground. Should you be doing this right now? 703 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,520 -[Jeremy] It's doing it. -[Kaleb] I'm not saying it's not. 704 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,680 What I'm saying is the job that it's doing is shit. 705 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,000 What are you on about? 706 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,240 [Kaleb] How are you gonna break that up? 707 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,720 At the moment, you're just making craters everywhere. 708 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,920 And what you've officially done is basically just wreck a margin. 709 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,120 Come on, you know all this now. 710 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,160 You've been... [sighing] Five fucking years! 711 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,000 You just got excited and wanted to use that piece of shit. 712 00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,640 I've just looked at your... 713 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,120 Is that side parting on purpose in your hair? 714 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:03,320 [Kaleb] I don't think so. 715 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,960 He's quite yellowhammeresque, isn't he? 716 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,000 -I'd say Hitler. -[Hannah chuckling] 717 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,240 [Jeremy] Have a look at the ladies and gentlemen. 718 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:11,320 [Hannah chuckling] 719 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:12,480 I don't know. 720 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,000 -[Jeremy] It is weird. -[Kaleb] Does it look bad? 721 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,400 I think it looks like a yellowhammer. 722 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,440 He doesn't look like a yellowhammer, he's just like a fat Hitler. 723 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,240 [all laughing] 724 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:21,920 Shut the fuck up. 725 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,360 -[all laughing] -[Kaleb muttering] 726 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,000 -Maybe I should do like a middle parting. -Yeah, okay. 727 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,200 Now you look like you're from the 1920s. Now you look like Martin Bormann. 728 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:31,720 You wanna try and look like a yellowhammer... 729 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:32,920 Like that Sky Sports guy. 730 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,240 No, Martin Bormann is not a Sky Sports guy. 731 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,520 That's Martin Brundle. 732 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,400 [Hannah] I think you should tuft it up. 733 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,840 Martin Brundle and Martin Bormann are not the same people. 734 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,920 [Jeremy] We then got back to the business of cultivating the margin, 735 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:50,040 and there was no denying that Kaleb did have a point. 736 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,240 Jesus Christ. 737 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,760 That is like a sort of hairy paving slab. 738 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,560 [Jeremy] Yeah, so I don't think you should drill it today. 739 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,160 I think you should leave it until we get some sort of moisture. 740 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,480 I think your point is that there's no point doing it, 741 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,320 it will just be a waste of seed without the rain. 742 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,080 [Kaleb] Yeah. Yeah. 743 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,520 There's no point doing it because it's not gonna grow. 744 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,080 [soft music] 745 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,120 [Jeremy] Two weeks later, 746 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,560 when we were certain the skylark chicks had flown their nest, 747 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,240 I allowed Kaleb to mow the GS4 field, 748 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:30,320 which to him felt like a complete waste of time. 749 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,920 How dead this lot looks. 750 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,440 If we had done this four weeks ago, we'd have had silage, 751 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,960 therefore the nutrition in the grass is much higher, 752 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,360 for example like the sugars and so on. 753 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,680 So therefore, actually the cows might actually like it, 754 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,520 'cause it's more palatable for them. 755 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,520 Where I think now it's gonna be like eating a bit of cardboard. 756 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:52,120 [tense music] 757 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,800 [Jeremy] In the grand scheme of things, though, 758 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,880 Kaleb's silage problems were quite small. 759 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,840 Because harvest was now approaching 760 00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:07,080 and I was seriously worried about it. 761 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:12,760 We'd had the driest spring for over a hundred years. 762 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,240 In early summer, a drought had been formally declared. 763 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,720 And in the five months since we'd planted the spring crops 764 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:26,440 we'd had 70% less rain than average. 765 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,200 Consequently, my pre-harvest crop walk with Charlie 766 00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:35,080 was a grim affair. 767 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,120 -[Jeremy] Onions and beetroots. -[Charlie] Yeah. 768 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,680 [Jeremy] Or, as I like to call it, no onions or beetroots. 769 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,360 What the bloody hell's gone wrong? 770 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,040 -[Charlie] Well... -We planted this twice, remember. 771 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:52,680 We've given it 1.6 million onion seeds 772 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,840 -and five have grown. -Yeah. 773 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,400 [Jeremy] Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm wrong. 774 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,840 Seven have grown, there's two there. 775 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:02,960 It is very disappointing, 'cause you put all that effort in. 776 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,920 -[Jeremy] I know. -Well, the machine did. 777 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,520 And I feel sad actually because the RoboDroid 778 00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:11,080 is a fascinating piece of equipment. 779 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:13,520 And everyone will just go: "Well, that's rubbish." 780 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,680 But the truth of the matter is it just hasn't rained. 781 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:21,520 I think we've had no more than twenty mil in March, April, May 782 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,480 -and June. -It's not even an inch. 783 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,160 -It's... -That much. 784 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,960 Twenty twenty-fifths. It's four fifths of an inch. 785 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,040 [wind blowing] 786 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,400 [Jeremy] And over in the mustard field, 787 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,240 things were no better. 788 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,800 This is very, very, disappointing. 789 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,080 [Charlie] It's a bit of a desert. 790 00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:42,920 And the issue is you've got a commercial need for mustard, 791 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,120 which is one of the biggest sellers in the shop. 792 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:46,720 It is the biggest. 793 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:48,920 Shit! 794 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,600 [Jeremy] Charlie was just as downbeat in the wheat fields. 795 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,240 [Charlie] You can see that the crop is much thinner than it usually is. 796 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,760 There's a lot more light got in, you've got some pretty small heads. 797 00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:01,960 That is one ear of wheat. 798 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,640 The grains are quite shrivelled and look a bit rubbish. 799 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,000 [Jeremy] And even I could see that the barley wasn't much good either. 800 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,040 [sighing] 801 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,040 It's just not tall enough. 802 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:20,200 It's six inches below where it should be. 803 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:21,800 I mean... 804 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,920 if Russell Crowe walked through this, he'd have to have arms like a chimpanzee 805 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,040 to be able to drag his fingers through it. 806 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:35,160 [Jeremy] I then dug out a clip I'd posted back in 2019, 807 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,600 and that rammed home the point even harder. 808 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:40,800 This is from... 809 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,800 June five years ago. 810 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,640 And look at the barley then. 811 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,400 Look how much taller it is, it hadn't even ripened, 812 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:51,680 than it is now. 813 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:53,880 [Jeremy on video] Marcus Aurelius. 814 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,640 [sad music] 815 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,240 [Jeremy] Nevertheless, we'd still have to do the harvest, 816 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,320 which meant decluttering and cleaning all the storage sheds 817 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,680 so they were ready to receive the grain. 818 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:09,920 -We've gotta get all this out. -Yeah. 819 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,680 [Kaleb] Wow! Wow! Stop! 820 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:14,120 [Lisa] OK, good. 821 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:15,800 [telehandler beeping] 822 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:19,600 [sad music continues] 823 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,560 [Jeremy] After the storage areas were tidied and prepped, 824 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,120 I asked Charlie and Kaleb to come to the office for a chat. 825 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:38,840 Right, come on you two. 826 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,200 -Harvest... -Yup. 827 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,520 "Harveest". 828 00:38:44,720 --> 00:38:45,800 It's upon us. 829 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,160 I know, but I need some dates. 830 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,560 'Cause last year, it was a bit disorganised 831 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,080 and we had a falling out, I don't want that to happen again. 832 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,680 -[Kaleb] You were stressed. -I was. 833 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,920 Trying to open the pub was... But I think this year... 834 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,760 [Jeremy sighing] 835 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:03,960 Erm... 836 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,440 [Charlie] I think it's very clear. Oats next week. 837 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,720 I think the wheats will be ready 838 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,000 probably the week after. 839 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,160 Say, Monday the 28th. 840 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,160 -Or end of July basically. -[Charlie] Or end of July. 841 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,160 -[Kaleb] Why, you going away? -Fuck. 842 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:21,840 Yeah. 843 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,000 I've got cancer. 844 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:30,040 [Kaleb] No. 845 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:32,920 Yep. 846 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:39,960 [Kaleb] You haven't. 847 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:41,840 Where? 848 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:46,000 Where is of no concern of anybody. 849 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,600 I've known since May. 850 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,480 I had a medical. You remember, back in May? 851 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,080 -[Kaleb] Yeah, yeah. -And they went, eew.. 852 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,800 You know, I disappeared off the other week and I had a biopsy, 853 00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,760 and it is cancer, and it's aggressive, but... 854 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,520 It's really early, so the treatment will be, you know... 855 00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,680 I'm praying that we can get the harvest done 856 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,680 and then I could go and get some treatment, 857 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,200 but it's gonna be slap bang in the middle... 858 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,120 -Look after yourself I would... -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 859 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:19,160 You go and do... 860 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,240 Yeah, I know, I mean, listen, I'm not that daft. 861 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,800 So, it's going to be in about two weeks, maybe three. 862 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,280 I'll have to go and have an operation. 863 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,040 And then... 864 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:33,600 and then... 865 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,000 Erm... 866 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,800 Will you stay away or are you coming back after? 867 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,080 No, no, the operation's in and out in no time, 868 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:42,280 but then you're slightly out of action for a little while. 869 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,000 But in the meantime, Simon, the combine man, has retired. 870 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,880 So you were going to do the combining this year. 871 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,120 -And I was going to do the grain carting. -[Kaleb] Yeah. 872 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:55,080 But it now looks likely I won't be able to do the grain carting. 873 00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:57,160 So we're gonna have to get Lisa trained up. 874 00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:59,080 -Yeah. -Lisa can drive a tractor. 875 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:00,600 She's perfectly capable of it. 876 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,960 And if you load stationary, which only adds, what, two minutes... 877 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,080 Well, she'd probably be good enough to do it on the move, honestly. 878 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,000 Well, I just wish you a very, very speedy recovery. 879 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,560 [Jeremy] Well, I thank you. I promise I'll be fine. 880 00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:15,720 -If you need anything, you just ring me. -[Jeremy] Yeah. 881 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:18,840 [sighing] 882 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,240 Pisser, though, innit? 883 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,000 I don't like this. 884 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,280 No. 885 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,280 I wasn't thrilled. 886 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:31,160 No, but I wasn't prepared for this. 887 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:42,800 [Jeremy] Mercifully, in farming, 888 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,920 you don't ever have time to dwell on personal matters, 889 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,280 'cause there's always something to do. 890 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,320 And the thing I had to do the following day 891 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:55,200 was put the cows through their six-monthly test for TB, 892 00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,000 along with an ever-shrinking Dilwyn. 893 00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:02,400 [Dilwyn] Morning. 894 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,000 Strewth, mate... 895 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,440 Yeah! Yeah, you're coming along as well, aren't you? 896 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,800 -Well, not much. Not like that. -[Dilwyn] No. 897 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,040 But I've been at it for longer than you have. 898 00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,720 Well, I mean, you are literally an advertisement for fat jabs. 899 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,560 Yes, possibly. 900 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,560 So, all bar one are pregnant again, aren't they? 901 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,120 [Dilwyn] Yeah, you've got six of them pregnant 902 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,280 in the space of about 35 days. 903 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,840 -[Jeremy] Endgame's a busy boy. -Yeah. 904 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,000 [Jeremy] These calves are fantastic, aren't they? 905 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:30,640 [Dilwyn] They're good-looking calves, aren't they? 906 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,920 That one is a bit under the weather, 907 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,520 so I've just checked him out. He's got a touch of pneumonia. 908 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:38,360 -[Jeremy] Has he? Oh no! -Sad, but hopefully he should be okay. 909 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,760 -[Jeremy] That one looks a bit peaky. -Yeah. 910 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,360 -Kaleb's bringing some hay down. -Yeah. 911 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,400 Here he comes. 912 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,400 -[mooing] -[Dilwyn] That's dinner. 913 00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,120 [Jeremy] They are excited by that. They can smell it. 914 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,320 All right, come on, let's get 'em in here. 915 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,280 [Dilwyn] Yeah, come on then. 916 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,600 [Jeremy] The actual TB test 917 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,640 involves Dilwyn measuring lumps in the cow's necks. 918 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:02,880 [Dilwyn] What number is she? 919 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,480 [Jeremy] Hang on. Seven. 920 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:08,400 [Jeremy] But what you really hope for is no lumps at all. 921 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:10,240 -[Dilwyn] No lumps. -[Jeremy] Clear? 922 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,960 [Dilwyn] Yeah. Okay. 923 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,680 [Jeremy] Off you go. 924 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,080 Hay time. 925 00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,800 Oh yeah, look at that! "I'm gonna wear my food." 926 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:25,800 -Good news? -Good news. 927 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,200 [Jeremy] That's what I like to hear. 928 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:31,560 There we go. 929 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,120 Are you not actually measuring them? 930 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,280 There's nothing to measure. 931 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,240 I thought you'd have those little tweezer things. 932 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:40,240 I have. 933 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,240 But I only measure them when there's lumps. 934 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,160 -[Jeremy] And there's no lumps? -There's no lumps. 935 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,760 -Oh, so she's all right. -[Dilwyn] She's all right. 936 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:48,880 -[Jeremy] That's number eleven. -[Dilwyn] Yeah, good. 937 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,160 All right, callipers. 938 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,360 [Jeremy] You what? 939 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,360 -[Dilwyn] Lumps. -[Jeremy] You've got... This one's got... 940 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:03,040 [Dilwyn] Good girl. 941 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:05,560 All right. 942 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,480 [mooing loudly] 943 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,280 She's got two lumps the same size. 944 00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,200 So, all right, I'll just measure, 945 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,120 I'll just check to see what her measurements was last time. 946 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,160 Right, so last time the top one was eleven 947 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:23,720 and the bottom one was ten. 948 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,920 This time round she's twelve-twelve. 949 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,000 [Jeremy] Is that a TB chart? 950 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,360 [Dilwyn] That is a TB chart. Different colours mean different things. 951 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,040 -[Jeremy] So red's obviously bad. -[Dilwyn] Red is bad. 952 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,880 The blue and white is inconclusive 953 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,680 and a green is a pass, right? 954 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,280 There's eleven before and ten, OK? 955 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:43,440 Now she's twelve-twelve. 956 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,360 -So it's plus one. -[Jeremy] The top one's gone up one. 957 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,640 Yeah. And the bottom one's gone up two. 958 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:50,720 [Jeremy] I don't like the sound of this, Dilwyn. 959 00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:54,240 [Dilwyn] And then if you go down to this, that's a plus one, 960 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:55,840 that's a plus two, 961 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,440 so it's that square there, which is the green. 962 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,640 -It's green. -It's green. 963 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:03,600 [Dilwyn] Pass. 964 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,360 If that had been one millimetre more, 965 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,000 then we'd have failed her on the bovine, 966 00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:10,320 but she didn't. 967 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,960 [Jeremy] That was bloody close. 968 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,480 That is shit-a-brick time. 969 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,000 -Well, it was. -Yeah. 970 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:17,120 Luckily, 971 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,200 you passed but only just. 972 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,320 Don't talk to any badgers. 973 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:25,080 [Kaleb] Go on then. 974 00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:29,280 [Jeremy] For the next cow, Dilwyn once more needed his measuring tool. 975 00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,560 [Jeremy] Have you got the chart out again, Dilwyn? 976 00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:32,520 Yeah. 977 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,480 Oh shit. 978 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:38,600 So she's passed. 979 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:39,760 But again, close. 980 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:43,120 [Jeremy] Well, let her out. We've never had close before. 981 00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:44,760 [Dilwyn] No, no. 982 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,960 It's a worry that two of them have done that, 983 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:50,680 I think. 984 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:52,840 [Kaleb] All right, the bull's gonna come through now. 985 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:53,880 Go on then. 986 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,080 [Jeremy] Widen this out a bit for Endgame. 987 00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,280 [Dilwyn] Still there, mate. How are you doing, laddy? 988 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,160 [mooing] 989 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:02,480 I know. 990 00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:06,720 [Dilwyn exhaling] 991 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:07,760 [Jeremy] What? 992 00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:09,400 [Dilwyn] Let's have a look. 993 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,000 No, come on, Dilwyn, what? 994 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:13,320 I think it's a fail. 995 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:20,680 Fuck. 996 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:23,800 [Dilwyn] Hold on. 997 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:26,960 [chuckling] Erm... 998 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,520 It is actually a pass. 999 00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:32,280 [Kaleb] What? Fucking...! 1000 00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,920 Dilwyn, when was the last time somebody murdered you? 1001 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,880 He's got one lump seventeen, one lump twenty-one. 1002 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,440 So he is five millimetres increase at the top, 1003 00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:45,200 five millimetre increase at the bottom. 1004 00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:47,960 Right on the borderline. 1005 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:50,840 [Kaleb] Go on. 1006 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,080 [Dilwyn] We'll see if we can't finish on a high. 1007 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,160 So that's number three. She's fine. 1008 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:56,800 [Jeremy] She's fine? Oh good. 1009 00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:58,720 Off you go. 1010 00:46:58,920 --> 00:46:59,840 [Kaleb] Go on. 1011 00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,640 And this one is carrying twins. 1012 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,200 -[Jeremy] Twins, I know. -Yeah. 1013 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,040 Ten, thirteen. 1014 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,880 -Close? -[Dilwyn] No. 1015 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:22,080 -What? -[Dilwyn] She... 1016 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,840 I've got bad news. 1017 00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,200 Fail. 1018 00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:27,320 What? 1019 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:28,440 [Dilwyn] Fail. 1020 00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,520 I'm putting the whole farm under restrictions. 1021 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:44,920 So you have effectively lost 1022 00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:48,040 your official TB-free status. 1023 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,560 That's the long and short of it. 1024 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:52,040 The ministry will get in touch with you 1025 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:56,040 and then they'll talk through what you can and can't do. 1026 00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,360 So you'll have a test in 60 days. 1027 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,920 If she is an inconclusive next time round, 1028 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,880 then she's called a reactor and she will be slaughtered. 1029 00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:08,360 With twins. 1030 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:09,600 [Dilwyn] With twins. 1031 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,400 That means the whole herd is now stuck here. 1032 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,800 -So we can't bring cows in... -We can't bring cows in or out. 1033 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,680 And our big plan of getting more cattle this winter... 1034 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:21,640 [Jeremy] Gone. 1035 00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:26,640 Obviously, Endgame and two others are marginal, yeah? 1036 00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,440 [Dilwyn] Yeah. Right on the borderline. 1037 00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:30,480 -[Jeremy] And that's a fail. -Yeah. 1038 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,720 But what do you do with Endgame? 1039 00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,000 Well, that is the big question. 1040 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,080 He is the most valuable thing on the farm at the moment. 1041 00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:43,120 If he goes down, we are fucked in terms of reproducing calves. 1042 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,480 [Jeremy] I fucking give up, mate. 1043 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:49,560 [Kaleb] Shit, innit? 1044 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,080 [Jeremy whispering] Fuck... 1045 00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,680 [sighing] It never gets easier this. 1046 00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,640 -And she's got twins and it's... -And she's got twins in her. 1047 00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:04,840 As if I haven't got enough 1048 00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,000 to be worried about. Shit. 1049 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:16,120 -[Kaleb] Keep that head up. -Oh, bollocks. 1050 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,160 Fuck. 1051 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:23,640 [Jeremy sighing] 1052 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:26,640 I just don't even know... 1053 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,360 [softly] Oh, fuck. 1054 00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,040 [silent end credits]